Lesson 5 – THE REFINING NATURE OF MARRIAGE
Standard wedding vows in the US:
_____, will you take _____ to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?
Standard wedding vows in England:
_____, will you take _____ to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
That wheelchair family
Self-control in marriage includes chivalry and chastity
Read the King Arthur legends and The Fairie Queen
The mansplaining guy – see appendix
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Fierce Marriage – Ryan and Selena Frederick
Start here: fiercemarriage.com/3-boundaries-absolutely-need-marriage
3 Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage
1) The Time Boundary
A lack of connected, quality time is the #1 issue couple’s face today. It’s ironic, since the world is more “connected” than ever.
You must understand that your time is finite… you have a very limited amount. This means you must draw boundaries to block out wasteful or frivolous uses of it.
Do this by turning off devices and spending quality time together. In 20 years, you won’t remember whatever is on your phone but you will absolutely remember the moments you spent together.
2) The Reconciliation Boundary
You will have arguments and fights, which means you will need to reconcile. Draw boundaries around the reconciliation process by agreeing not to bad-talk each other to friends or coworkers in ways that are destructive.
It’s good to seek counsel and advice, but venting anger to those outside your marriage is never helpful.
Then, WITHIN the boundary of reconciliation, work together to resolve conflict in a biblical way. Talk, repent, forgive, make-up, and move on.
3) The Integrity/Transparency Boundary
Those without transparency live by themselves in a boundary they’ve created. They do this by engaging in wrong behavior and then hiding it (think: explicit websites, spending habits, emotional and physical affairs, eating habits).
The first step toward living with integrity in your marriage is being transparent with each other. Open up the unhealthy boundaries and let your spouse in. If you have a secret other than a surprise gift, etc., then something is wrong.
There are many boundaries we could discuss, but hopefully this will get you thinking.
The first step toward living with integrity in your marriage is being transparent.
The big idea here is that there exists an absolute standard -- there are definite things that are bad and good for your marriage; healthy and unhealthy; wise and foolish.
We live in a world where morality is no longer seen as absolute. I’m urging you to reject that lie. Yes, there are cultural norms that are relative; but there are also norms that transcend culture. There are aspects of you, reality, and God that are hardwired and fixed. There is a standard by which we can measure wisdom and folly; right and wrong.
